Gray John. Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.

the silence and lose their power by making comments like:
* "Oh, forget it."
* "I can't believe you are saying no. I do so much for you."

This is how things should go:
"I don't have time. Can't you do it?" "I'm also rushed. Would you please do it?" Then remain silent again. "No, I don't want to do that." "I would really appreciate it. Will you please do it for me?" Then remain silent again. "I'm busy, what are you doing?" "I'm busy too. Will you please do it?" Then remain silent again. "No, I don't feel like It." "I don't feel like it either. Would you please do it?" Then remain silent again.
Notice that she is not trying to convince him but is simply, matching his resistance. If he is tired, don't try to prove that you are more tired and therefore he should help you. Or if he thinks he is too busy don't try to convince him that you are more busy. Avoid giving him reasons why he should do it. Remember, you are just asking and not demanding. If he continues to resist then. practice step two and graciously accept his rejection. This is not the time to share how disappointed you are. Be assured that if you can let go at this time, he will remember how loving you were and be more willing to support you next time.
As you progress you will experience greater success in asking for and getting his support. Even if you are practicing the pregnant pause of step three, it is still necessary to continue practicing steps one and two. It is always important that you continue to ask correctly for the little things as well as graciously accept his rejections.

WHY MEN ARE SO SENSITIVE
You may be asking yourself why men are so sensitive about being asked for support. It is not because men are lazy but because men have so much need to feel accepted. Any request to be more or to give more might instead give the message that he is not accepted just the way he is. Just as a woman is more sensitive about being heard and feeling understood when she is sharing her feelings, a man is more sensitive about being accepted just the way he is. Any attempt to improve him makes him feel as though you are trying to change him because he is not good enough. On Mars, the motto is "Don't fix it unless it is broken." When a man feels a woman wanting more, and that she is trying to change him, he receives the message that she feels he is broken; naturally he doesn't feel loved just the way he is. By learning the art of asking for support, your relationships will gradually become greatly enriched. As you are able to receive more of the love and support you need, your partner will also naturally be quite happy. Men are happiest when they feel they have succeeded in fulfilling the people they care about. By learning to ask correctly for support you not only help your man feel more loved but also ensure you'll get the love you need and deserve. In the next chapter we will explore the secret of keeping the magic of love alive.

Chapter 13
Keeping the Magic of Love Alive

One of the paradoxes of loving relationships is that when things are going well and we are feeling loved, we may suddenly find ourselves emotionally distancing our partners or reacting to them in unloving ways. May be you can relate to some of these examples:
1. You may be feeling a lot of love for your partner, and then, the next morning, you wake up and are annoyed and resentful of him or her.
2. You are loving, patient, and accepting, and then, the next day, you become demanding or dissatisfied.
3. You can't imagine not loving your partner, and then, the next day, you have an argument and suddenly begin thinking about divorce.
4. Your partner does something loving for you, and you feel resentful for the times in the past when he or she ignored you.
5. You are attracted to your partner, and then suddenly you feel numb in his or her presence.
6. You are happy with your partner and then suddenly feel insecure about the relationship or powerless to get what you need.
7. You feel confident and assured that your partner loves you and suddenly you feel desperate and needy.
8. You are generous with your love, and then suddenly you become withholding, judgmental, critical, angry, or controlling.
9. You are attracted to your partner, and then when he or she makes a commitment you lose your attraction or you find others more attractive.
10. You feel good about yourself and your life and then, suddenly, you begin feeling unworthy, abandoned, and inadequate.
11. You have a wonderful day and look forward to seeing your partner, but when you see him or her, something that your partner says makes you feel disappointed, depressed, repelled, tired, or emotionally distant.

Maybe you have noticed your partner going through some of these changes as well. Take a moment to reread the above list, thinking about how your partner may suddenly lose his or her ability to give you the love you deserve. Probably you have experienced his or her sudden shifts at times. It is very common for two people who are madly in love one day to hate each other or fight the very next day. These sudden shifts are confusing. Yet they are common. If we don't understand why they happen we may think we are going crazy, or we may mistakenly conclude that our love has died. Fortunately there is an explanation.
Love brings up our unresolved feelings. One day we are feeling loved, and the next day we are suddenly afraid to trust love. The painful memories of being rejected begin to surface when we are faced with trusting and accepting our partner's love. Whenever we are loving ourselves more or being loved by others, repressed feelings tend to come up and temporarily overshadow our loving awareness. They come up to be healed and released. We may suddenly become irritable, defensive, critical, resentful, demanding, numb, or angry. Feelings that we could not express in our past suddenly flood our consciousness when we are safe to feel. Love thaws out our repressed feelings, and gradually these unresolved feelings begin to surface into our relationship. It is as though your unresolved feelings wait until you are feeling loved, and then they come up to be healed. We are all walking around with a bundle of unresolved feelings, the wounds from our past, that are dormant within us until the time comes when we feel loved. Then, when we feel safe to be ourselves, our hurt feelings come up. If we can successfully deal with those feelings, then we feel much better and enliven more of our creative, loving potential. If, however, we get into a fight and blame our partner instead of healing our past, we just get upset and then suppress the feelings again.

Now Repressed Feelings Come Up
The problem is that repressed feelings don't come up saying "Hi, I am your unresolved feelings from the past." If your feelings of abandonment or rejection from childhood start coming up, then you will feel you are being abandoned or rejected by your partner. The pain of the past is projected onto the present. Things that normally would not be a big deal hurt a lot. For years we have suppressed our painful feelings. Then one day we fall in love, and love makes us feel safe enough to open up and become aware of our feelings. Love opens us up and we start to feel our pain.

Why Couples May Fight During Good Times
Our past feelings suddenly come up not just when we fall in love but at other times when we are feeling really good, happy, or loving. At these positive times, couples may unexplainably fight when it seems as though they should be happy. For example, couples may fight when they move into a new home, redecorate, attend a graduation, a religious celebration, or a wedding, receive presents, go on a vacation or car ride, finish a project, decide to change a negative habit, buy a new car, make a positive career change, win a lottery, make a lot of money, decide to spend a lot of money, or have great love making. At all of these special occasions