Gray John. Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.

All of the above suggestions for sharing Love Letters also apply when a woman has difficulty responding to a man's letter in a loving way. I generally recommend that couples read out loud the letters they have written. It is helpful to read your partner's letter out loud because it helps them feel heard. Experiment with both, and see what fits you.

MAKING IT SAFE FOR LOVE LETTERS
Sharing Love Letters can be scary. The person writing their true feelings will feel vulnerable. If their partner rejects them it can be very painful. The purpose of sharing the letter is to open up feelings so that partners can become closer. It works well as long as the process is done in safety. The person receiving the Love Letter needs to be particularly respectful of the writer's expression. If they cannot give true, respectful support, then they shouldn't agree to listen until they can. Sharing letters needs to be done with the correct intention. Sharing a letter needs to be done in the spirit of the following two statements of intent:

Statement of Intent for Writing and Sharing a Love Letter
I have written this letter in order to find my positive feelings and to give you the love you deserve. As part of that process I am sharing with you my negative feelings, which are holding me back. Your understanding will help me to open up and let go of my negative feelings. I trust that you do care and that you will respond to my feelings in the best way you can. I appreciate your willingness to listen and support me. In addition I hope that this letter will assist you in understanding my wants, needs and wishes.

Statement of Intent for Hearing a Love Letter
I promise to do my best to understand the validity of your feelings, to accept our differences, to respect your needs as I do my own, and to appreciate that you are doing your best to communicate your feelings and love. I promise to listen and not correct or deny your feelings. I promise to accept you and not try to change you. I am willing to listen to your feelings because I do care and I trust that we can work this out.

The first few times you practice the Love Letter Technique it will be much safer if you actually read these statements out loud. These statements of intent will help you remember to respect your partner's feelings and respond in a loving, safe way.

MINI LOVE LETTERS
If you are upset and you don't have twenty minutes to write a Love Letter, you can try writing a mini Love Letter. It only takes three to five minutes and can really help. Here are some examples:

Dear Max,
1. I am so angry that you are late!
2. I am sad that you have forgotten me.
3. I am afraid you don't really care about me.
4. I am sorry that I am so unforgiving.
5. I love you and I forgive you for being late. I know you really love me. Thank you for trying.
Love, Sandie

Dear Henry,
1. I am angry that you are so tired. I am angry that you just watch TV.
2. I am sad that you don't want to talk to me.
3. I am afraid that we are growing apart. I am afraid of making you angry.
4. I am sorry that I rejected you at dinner. I am sorry I blame you for our problems.
5. I miss your love. Would you schedule an hour with me tonight or sometime soon just for me to share with you what's going on in my life?
Love, Lesley
P.S. What I would like to hear from you is:
Dear Lesley,
Thank you for writing me about your feelings. I understand that you miss me. Let's schedule special time tonight between eight and nine.
Love, Henry

WHEN TO WRITE LOVE LETTERS
The time to write a Love Letter is whenever you are upset and you want to feel better. Here are some common ways Love Letters can be written:
1. Love Letter to an intimate partner.
2. Love Letter to a friend, child, or family member.
3. Love Letter to business associate or client. Instead of saying "I love you" at the end you may choose to use "I appreciate" and "I respect." In most cases I don't recommend sharing it.
4. Love Letter to yourself.
5. Love Letter to God or Higher Power. Share your upset feelings about your life with God and ask for support.
6. Role reversal Love Letter. If it is hard to forgive someone, pretend that you are them for a few minutes and write a Love Letter from them to you. You will be amazed at how quickly you become more forgiving.
7. Monster Love Letter. If you are really upset and your feelings are mean and judgmental, vent them in a letter. Then bum the letter . Do not expect your partner to read it unless you both can handle negative feelings and are willing to do so. In that case even monster letters can be very helpful.
8. Displacement Love Utter. When present events upset you and remind you of unresolved feelings from childhood, imagine you can go back in time and write a letter to one of your parents, sharing your feelings and asking for their support.

WHY WE NEED TO WRITE LOVE LETTERS
As we have explored throughout this book, it is vastly important for women to share their feelings and feel cared for, understood, and respected. It is equally important for men to feel appreciated, accepted, and trusted. The biggest problem in relationships occurs when a woman shares her upset feelings and, as a result, a man feels unloved. To him, her negative feelings may sound critical, blaming, demanding, and resentful. When he rejects her feelings, she then feels unloved. The success of a relationship is solely dependent on two factors: a man's ability to listen lovingly and respectfully to a woman's feelings, and a woman's ability to share her feelings in a loving and respectful way. A relationship requires that partners communicate their changing feelings and needs. To expect perfect communication is certainly too idealistic. Fortunately, between here and perfection there is a lot of room for growth.